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A few days after my 40th birthday I wrote an essay called, “The Sugar Water Epiphany.” (Excerpts from the essay are in italics).It was sparked by an experience I had at the Sugar Water Festival in July 2005 at Merriweather Post Pavillion in Columbia, Maryland.

Sugar Water was a music festival which featured three of the most dynamic women in the world: Queen Latifah, Erykah Badu and Jill Scott. To say I was excited to celebrate my 40th by witnessing the greatness of these three forces of nature is an understatement to say the least. But, of course the music wasn’t the only thing I was excited about. Here’s an excerpt:

Lord have mercy on me, it was just as glorious as I envisioned–beautiful Black women as far as the eye could see–Black women of every shape and hue…I almost felt like I was in line to get into heaven. Once we got inside we quickly found an ideal space on the lawn…I remember at one point lying down beneath the crescent moon as the summer heat and humidity gave way to early evening cool. I reveled in an intoxicating blend of incense and estrogen…I looked up at the big screen at Jill Scott’s beautiful round face. She was like a caramel covered cherub serenading me and me only. 

And as I laid back and watched the stars emerge from the summer dusk, serenaded by Jill the Thrill, I literally felt like I was in heaven at that moment. But, as I took in all the magnificent eye candy it was clear a whole lot of the women at the Sugar Water Festival were gay, openly gay. They were there at the show in groups and coupled up with their girls enjoying the show just like me. 

One couple in  particular caught my eye, or should  I say I caught the eye of one of the girls who sat just a few feet away. To my delight the prettier of the two was checking me out (at least in my mind she was). She was bi-racial, she looked sort of like a Black Audrey Hepburn. Her girl was White and they were definitely experiencing Jill from two distinct perspectives.

The White girl was sitting on the blanket, smoking a cigarette somewhat disconnected from the electricity in the air. Her girl however, lil’ Audrey was caught up in the illness of Jillness.

Black Audrey Hepburn…stood and emphatically sang along with Jilly from Philly. She sang from her heart–she sang from her toes–Jill’s lyrics that celebrated the love between Black men and Black women. Audrey sang it like she meant it. Yet, she was there with the White girl, but I caught her peepin’ at me on more than one occasion. Then it hit me, hit me hard. She–lil Audrey–probably really wasn’t gay!

She was there with a woman, but she was with her because she refused to be with a man who refused to honor her. She stood as a pathetic metaphor, her presence in that context screaming, “Look what you’ve made me do, look what you’ve made me resort to…” Audrey wants to love Black men just like Jill, but niggas just won’t act right. Maybe I was trippin’ but, it seemed crystal clear. It also seemed clear that she wasn’t the only one of those lovely young Black women who were living a lifestyle they may not be comfortable with. But, the alternative was unbearable. The alternative of being UN-LOVED by a Black man…my God. I left that place feeling so good and feeling so bad. We’ve lost our women and what are we prepared to do about it?

As I look back at the Sugar Water Epiphany with the benefit of four years of hindsight maybe I was trippin.’ Maybe lil’ Audrey was just a gay girl who liked men. Maybe she was just flirting to make her girl jealous or whatever. However, what I am absolutely sure about is we are losing our women. And I ask the  question again, what are we prepared to do about it?